fat ass

so i took my senior pics the other day w/ a friend
and i showed all the pics to my mom...
and she was shocked at how fat i was
she kinda scolded me for being fat. ahahahaha.
i didnt know i was that fat either. i mean, i know i put on tons of weight. but yeah.
teehee.
so much for wasting my summer.
fat fat fat.
scaryyy future coming ahead! hah!

college apps. boohoo.
cant wait to get back to msia.
omg, more food. ahahahahaa

How I Function

1) Problem arises
2) Stress
3) MUST whine/whimper/complain
4) Cry (even though i know it wouldn't make the situation better) and Reason
5) Reluctantly do what i have to do while i continue reasoning
6) Give in and appreciate
7) WA LA everything's done
8) proud of self
aha

After the Move-In

1) LAVYNNIAAAAAA

WELCOME TO THE US OF A :DDD


2) i need to learn to use limited space efficiently

3) it's now or never...
...to look up for colleges
...to calculate expenses
...to look for a job
...to save money
...to prepare for my ACT/SAT AGAIN
...to score well to receive scholarships
...to study well
...to put more effort
...to write college apps
...to take senior pics


4) i feel like baking/cooking
mainly.. for others
..so that i wont get as fat

baked these portuguese egg tarts today.
it isnt burnt, mind you.



 5) before i can achieve these......................
i NEED to ORGANIZE my stuff
so that i can get going!!
but,
i can't find any space!! FML........

im such a huge paranoid.
woke up at 5am just for moving.
i literally have dark circles under my eyes. woo.

breakfree

i wanna run away from responsibilities.
and soar freely in the sky
or swim with the dolphins in deep blue sea
without worries nor concern
i want to run on that neverending deserted road
fly mindlessly, swim mindlessly, run mindlessly


RAWR.

dancing in the rain

 
 this was never a wish of mine but it is for others
well, i've done it.
and it's icky (period as in full stop)

scatterbrained: i solely learn from embarrassment.

i still have SOOOOOO much to learn until i can deem myself as an independent soul.
i still have tons to learn before i could graduate into adulthood.
i realize i learn from super embarrassing incidents. from shameful events. i cant even stand myself.
i am so unorganized, irresponsible, and lazy.
grooooooowww uppppp!

cant sleep cause of my phone bill skyrocketed. fml T_T

it' been a while...

Summer's been pretty lax for me.
Things that i wanted/planned have not been exactly fulfilled due to the unmotivated me.
anyway, i went to the library today to look for books. looking at/reading books is really calming and relaxing. ahh love it. books are meant to be tangible. they should be the old school paper books and not the nooks or kindles or ebooks. boo those.
paper back books ftw!
so i picked up this cookbook. it is like my ideal book T_T
i can picture myself in the future, having my own apt or penthouse(ahem xD) and this book will be in my living room. i'll just choose a recipe and hop down to the grocery store to buy the ingredients just for that and cook an appetizing meal!
oh me and my ideal world.
i've been thinking of drinking frap everyday. smacks self.

two months of summer's gone. only one left.
so quick!
and the realities of going to college; how to apply for colleges, scholarships, loans, grants; what do i really want to do; where i want to go; how am i gonna pay my tuition- oh the nightmares! -are getting closer!!
the many paths that lay before a person but only one that determines the future- a risk. a step to soar or fall.
i wonder how college students survive.
another amazing thing of life.
research. research. research.

oh wishlist for a special occasion when i get older: a cookbook! TEEHEE

maan... my left eye is swollen and idk why.
maybe i punched myself in my sleep.
or i studied just a tad too hard (i doubt so. aha.)
it's so annoying.
now i know how small-eyed people feel.
and i've been getting new bites on my body every morning. wtf. bed bugs? i checked. nada. and i researched.. it doesnt look like the bed bug bite shown but the itch is longer than a mosquito bite and it kinda swells -_-
or is it just time to change my bed sheet? fml.

studying for China history.
and omfg why does the stupid person w/ power sack so many ppl in a short amount of time. and the chinese names arent doing any good either.>:(
kill me.
</3

so screwed for finals.
yay me!

wow.
hormonal imbalance is so scary.
so much for giving the mean impression to my cousin's gf.
great, phoebe, great.
now, i've got tons of ugly pimples on my face T_T
arghhh.
SAT this sat. fml. i kinda regret registering. a waste of money.
weather's warmer now.
almost forgotten the feeling of warm weather. pretty unpleasant. lol
oh well.
such a cranky bitch. hmmph.
i want to eat McD.
:(
i miss home. mom and dad. boo.
i think somehow i might be going home. RAWR.

after a year of not seeing fireworks with my two eyes, i finally witnessed a freaking long one.
the best part was the ones that didnt work which looked like a super mini a-bomb.
:D

so sick and tired of people asking "how is it living alone? why live alone? are you okay that you're living alone?"
STOP.
i like being alone. MOTT!
and i chose to live alone.
dont even pity me that i have to live alone.
YES i do feel lonely sometimes and want to talk to someone rather than waiting till it's appropriate to talk to someone i can talk to.
and i have friends and i dont have friends. so
stop.
secondly,
the "why dont you wanna study architecture anymore?" question is DONE with. why this why that?  BECAUSE.
i'm done w/ architecture so QUIT ASKING. dont even try to reason w/ me cause wtv you say wont even go into my ear kay let alone my brain.

i think im  a lil annoyed w/ humans now and the fact that i have less time to study for my finals. and im tired. so stop.
being around ppl is so exhausting.
stop.
stop
stop
stop
stop.
freaking stop.

thanks for your concerns. but i dont need them now.


man, i sound like someone that has issues.
or maybe i do have.
gasp. i dont want to be someone who does.
freaky!

NEWS!

mom received an email from our school that a girl reported a sexual assault a couple weeks ago to the police dpt. the police then reported the case to our school.
assault happened at a school's stairwell. yup. our school has quite a couple of completely enclosed stairwells. :)
quite a number of people were talking about it in school today. so the nosy me got quite a bit of info. heh.
poor girl. i heard she was a foreign exchange student. bummer. and apparently people claimed it as a "rape". dk which is which and what is what. anyways, more info about the dude. ppl said that 8 sexual assault cases from the same guy have been reported. freaky psycho!!
school has tonnes of sec. cameras but i realized none at stairwells! hahaa. bimbooo.
feel sorry for the girl. her parents must be super furious w/ americans now. or the schools in america. exchange student!! whyyyyyy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
kay, so after blogging this post. i went to read the newspaper and there's an article about this. great. now our awesome school has a bad name. aha.
http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/article_f8b152f0-8726-11e0-8e0c-001cc4c002e0.html

ahahha.
i finally hear my mom say that she misses me. xD
so funny.
so much for not going back this summer. bleh.

okay..
is it just me? or is it you too?
someone whom you almost never talk to suddenly comes chatting w/ you.
awkward? suspicious? or is it a good start?
hmm.

fine arts week. i feel pretty free.
im so gonna regret what i just said -.-
THREE MORE WEEKS. <3!!
SAT and finals!
screw finals!
college? what college?
rawr.

p/s. matrices are for losers full stop.

talk about healthiness..
i ate instant noodles three days this week
found a strand of white hair. im sure there are more somewhere. it's in the genes.
and i discovered a new brand of bread which i absolutely love!
i went shopping and went crazy.
i ate almost too much this weekend.
i watched the king's speech which i dont fancy at all.
i spoke to my dad whom i havent been talking to for quite some time. heh.
great week.
thanks to His great love, i could enjoy these things.
now, one of my major history test awaits me.
au revoir!